A Star is Borne
In 2016, the trajectory of my life changed with five words:
“You should do a TEDx Talk.”
These simple words — strung together and voiced by a colleague I trusted to dispense only the best career advice — suggested to me that I might have something worth saying. I didn’t have a Message or a Platform. Just…a presence, I guess.
I didn’t know what I would talk about and neither did she. I know now that “you should do a TED Talk” is the sort of thing you say to people whose personality suggests that they don’t suffer from crippling stage fright. In 2016, I was a grad student with a wacky research project and a faculty development facilitator at the university where we worked so it seemed plausible that I could get on stage and talk about something for 10 minutes.
You can watch the Talk to find out how it went:
What most people don’t know about my attempt at an athleisure…aesthetic…at this point is that the week before the talk I’d had the last of three liposuction surgeries to mitigate the damage caused by lipedema, a rare fat disorder that I have. In other words, under my unfortunate neutrals, I’m wearing full-body surgical compression. The high neck of my shirt covers the collar and the sweater (sort of) hides the seams of my post-op suit.
I like to joke that it’s good to look back at the early years and say, “WHAT WAS I THINKING” because you have to have something to show at the beginning of the lifetime achievement award highlight reel.
My Unfortunate Neutrals period shows exactly what I thought about myself as a speaker and messenger at the time: I wasn’t. I had stories about my identity as a Grad Student, New Mom, Unconventional Exerciser, and Lipedema Sufferer. I didn’t know myself as a Speaker or Author or Business Owner. And it showed.
My TEDx Talk is about identity and exercise, yes, but even deeper is the story about who we’re allowed to be. That’s always been my passion and driving force — to find, rewrite, and share stories about who we really want to be. Later, when I rebranded the Ramp and Stair Exercise Club to Taking Up Space, I did that because I started questioning lots of different kinds of identity stories. Stories about health and wellness and access to public space at large.
Then, I started speaking professionally. I wrote my first book on a topic totally unrelated to exercise. I started consulting and I became a musician. I had lots of professional adventures in places, space, and stages that I never thought I could belong to. I played it off as accidental and a lucky mystery of life.
And then…I started doing it on purpose.
Being on stage wasn’t something that I fell into anymore. Being called shy and unassuming and timid weren’t adjectives that felt true. I started looking at the parts of me that I tried to hide behind the identities of Teacher and Writer toward my last frontier of belonging: Star.
(I can tell you this because we’re friends. In my first draft of this essay, the last word of the preceding paragraph was Performer. I changed it even though it makes me want to throw up a little because if we’re going to be honest with each other, let’s be honest.)
What I wanted for Taking Up Space was, I realize now, selfish. I thought that if I reflected back to you the desire to take the lead in your own story, I wouldn’t have to admit that I wanted a starring role for myself. And trust me — I want nothing more than to see your name in lights on life’s marquee! I want you to listen to that little voice that says, “go here” and follow it wherever it leads. Even if it’s scary because you’ve never seen anyone like you there before.
So, by putting my name out in front, I’ve gone ahead and given myself top billing in my own work. I will continue to fight for representation and shame-free marketing in all its forms. I will continue to help people tell the kinds of stories that other people like you need to hear. This is still and always will be work worth doing.
I used the word “borne” in the title on purpose. I was not born into this version of myself new, unmarked, and fresh. For the past five years, you have carried me through this work, a labor of love that I would not have been willing or able to complete without your support. I hope that as I reach new people in different ways (read: get paid) that you understand that it is still in service of the original message — we all deserve better stories.
Wherever you are on the journey, shine your bright light like the star I know you are. You’re worth it.
Dr. Kate Browne is an author, speaker, and storyteller for hire. She writes and speaks about body image in pop culture and is the author of the first academic book on The Golden Girls (forthcoming May 2020). Kate also serves as the lead speaker coach for TEDxNormal and serves as the VP of Communications for the Body Positive Fitness Alliance. Learn more at katebrowne.net or follow on socials at @drkatebrowne
